Waking Up
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: Sequel to Got To Make Up Got To Wake Up; it's been five years since everything had happened, in that time a lot has changed. Murdoc's life seems to just be a never ending loop of alcohol and self loathing as he tries his best to avoid the things from his past including the boy he had been so in love with all of that time ago. That is until he finds him again.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I decided to do a sequel, actually I WAS going to do a sequel in the first place. I know some people are pissed at me for having a sad ending, but hey I'm sort of a sucker for melancholy every now and again. Though once again yeah I've been planning on a sequel with this one, if I don't update quickly on this or any other story it's because I dont' have Microsoft Word and sometimes I just get lazy. So enough of my author note; I'll get to the story._

**5 Years Later**

Murdoc hardly had any money, but he figured that he had enough to go to the pub and get completely drunk. He had a motto that there was always time and money for alcohol, because he really didn't have too much else going for him. He sat at the bar ordering shot after shot, he could tell the old man behind the bar wanted to tell him he should stop and just go home, but as long as he kept paying him the bartender wouldn't speak a single word. He looked around the room every now and again just to see what kind of people were here; not that many, that was the reason why he liked the place so much. It was so empty most times, he noticed how when he would look at somebody especially a woman they would get nervous and look away from him. He couldn't help, but smile to himself at that; none of them knew him. He was just some creepy bloke with off colored skin, crooked teeth, and discolored eyes; being ignored wasn't a totally new concept to the man. He liked it better that way, besides he was better than them; fuck them. He took another shot and pulled out the last of his money handing it to the old man. He gave himself a moment to gather himself before he attempted to get up off of the bar stool, he had to hold onto the counter top to keep from falling on his ass. People glanced at him, stared, whispered, and a few laughed; he was too blasted to glare or to snap at them for acting like such immature pricks. He stumbled his way out of the establishment and to his car; a beat up old Camaro he had sloppily painted black. He patted the hood of the car smiling at it, it was one of two things in this life he actually did love and care about; one of the two things that never abandoned him no matter how drunk or dumb he was. He fumbled with his keys for a bit eventually being able to unlock the door, he sighed with relief when he got inside of the car and sat behind the steering wheel. Should he drive home? No, but that hadn't really stopped him the hundred other times he had done this; he knew no cop, bar keep, or random stranger would stop him. He bet money those bastards were looking out the windows at him, all having a good laugh at the creepy looking drunk bastard who was probably going to wreck and break his damn neck. He pondered for a second who if anyone would come to the funeral; that was assuming there would be a funeral, his father would never shell out the money for such a pitiful expense. He laughed to himself at the thought of it, his father would just tell them to burn him; fuck it he wasn't good enough to be buried or put in some cruddy cheap old suit.

He started up the car, backed out, and managed to get out onto the street. If he wasn't so drunk and so busy thinking about his imaginary funeral he would have thought he was quite lucky the streets were rather empty decreasing his chances of crashing. His flat was only twenty minutes away, a crappy one floor place in a crappy neighborhood; he never even bothered locking the front door, because he pitied whatever foolish bastard would break into that hell hole expecting to find something worth some dough.

The car swerved several times, he nearly hit a lamp post at one point, but still managed to make it back home without any actual damages. He sat in the drive, shut off the ignition, and laughed for a bit; sadly enough some part of him wished he had fucking wrecked, just to see what would happen. He knew it'd hurt like Hell, but he was used to pain, everything came with pain. He got out of the car and stumbled up to the front door, he opened it, and went inside of the darkened living room. He kicked off his boots before collapsing on the sofa that sat right near the door, he didn't even bother shutting the front door; it made no difference if it was shut or not. He noticed a little red light blinking on the other side of the room, the answering machine telling him someone had called. He knew it was either his father, his latest boss firing him, his brother calling him from prison, or his band mates calling to yell at him for never showing up to band practice; fuck all of them and everything else. He was too drunk to get up, too drunk to listen to some bastard yell at him or threaten him, he rolled over onto his side facing away from the stupid little machine. He closed his eyes and fell into a deep dreamless sleep, he refused to sleep without being drunk because if he slept without a single drink in him then he would have dreams and that was something he avoided quite avidly.


	2. Chapter 2

His head felt like somebody had hit it against a brick wall; the sunlight pouring through the window behind the couch and through the open doorway didn't help either. He got up from the sofa, shut the front door, then made his way down the hallway and to the bathroom at the end of it. The room was small, pathetically small at that; it hardly had room for the bath tub let along the sink and the toilet, he grabbed one of the pill bottles from the medicine cabinet hanging over the sink. He took out three of the white tablets popping them into his mouth and swallowing them figuring his saliva was enough to keep himself from choking. He put the bottle back on its shelf, shut the door, and on his part a bad decision he looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror.

"Fuck I look like shit" He muttered as he looked closely at the man staring back at him.

It wasn't like he had been a beauty queen in high school, but this was just pathetic. He even had a few gray hairs, he was too young to have shit like that going on. He ran his fingers through his shaggy black hair, it felt almost too greasy; he reminded himself to bathe, eventually. His skin was ashen, but now it was beginning to get a bit of a green color to it that only seemed to happen when he stayed out in the sun too much; he considered worrying about it, but he didn't care all too much. His thin lips were chapped and cracked, his teeth were gnarled and sharp; his eyes that once were both a doe brown were now mismatched. One eye still an innocent color, he had to laugh at associating the word innocent with himself. The other eye was a bright ruby red, if he had known that many people and if any had given two shits then somebody at some point would have asked why his eye suddenly turned red. He would have lied and told them it was a contact, because the truth would result in a trip to the psych ward.

He felt a bit pissed to be honest when he thought about it; he had sold his soul to be famous and here he was in this shit hole. He turned away from the mirror and left the room, he went to the room across from the bathroom, his bedroom. A small smile crossed his lips when he saw the only other thing in this life that he loved setting on his bed.

"Hello beautiful"

He sat down on the bed carefully picking the bass up and setting it on his lap. El Diablo; at least he had gotten this out of the deal, a sore eye, a promise to rot in Hell for all eternity, and a beautiful black and red bass from Satan himself. He began strumming the strings feeling a bit more relaxed at the sounds the instrument made as his fingers hit the right chords; at least his bass enjoyed him touching it. Shit it had been years since the last time he'd touched somebody and they fully enjoyed it, usually they just faked it, and pretended they didn't find him a gross waste of their time. He closed his eyes listening to the melodic sounds coming from the instrument, he felt a strong connection to it almost like it worked based off of his feelings and his thoughts. When he was angry the beats were heavy and metal sounding, when he was sad it was like listening to some crappy break up song on the radio, and moments like right now the bas only produced relaxing sounds to fit its owners state of mind. His mind wandered into questionable territory for a moment as he thought about what used to be the third thing he had loved more than anything in the world; fuck he had really loved him, still did in a way. Nobody had ever treated him like that before, been so caring, and patient with him and his bull shit; it had felt so good to sleep with the blue haired man's arms wrapped around his waist and his face buried against his chest.

Past, that was the past now and he was better off to not think about it anymore.

He opened his eyes and sat the bass back down on the bed, he got up and left the room returning to the living room. He went over to the answering machine seeing that he had three missed calls meaning that more than likely over half of his guesses had been right, he hit play then made his way into the kitchen in search for booze as the messages began playing.

"First message; Niccals you were supposed to show up to work today or did you forget? Boy you haven't been here for nearly a week, I'm really sick of your shit, don't even think about coming back you're fired. End of message"

Shocking, eh he hadn't liked that job too much; hell he hated jobs in general. Working wasn't entertaining especially if it was at some stupid factory surrounded by a dozen or so over weight old men who did nothing but insult him. He wasn't meant for actual work, he was meant for greater things for that and the Devil had promised him greater things.

"Second message; mate where the fuck are you at? We've been at Jimmy's house for two hours waiting for your sorry arse to show up and you haven't yet. We got a gig tonight if you haven't forgot, I bet you're drunk off your arse right now aren't ya? Just show up at the club tonight. End of message"

Adam his latest band's guitarist sounded annoyed, Murdoc smiled a bit at picturing the want to be Goth with his shitty dreadlocks and his stupid sunglasses standing there yelling at the phone. He hated his band mates, they were good people to buy drugs from, but they were boring and their musical talent practically didn't exist.

"Third message; hey little brother, just wanted to see how you were getting on. Dad told me you're still out on your own, I bet you're doing real shit without us to take care of your sorry ass. I'm not sure when I'll get out, probably a few more years; I really can't wait to see you again, I still owe you for putting me in this fucking place. I'll be seeing you. End of message"

The last one made him uneasy, he grabbed a half empty bottle of whiskey and began drinking from it. Maybe if he drank enough of it then he would forget about that last message as well as most of his childhood. He knew Hannibal would be locked away for a good while, he'd already been there for three years; after all the shit he had been charged with there was no way he could be let out sooner than about seven years or so. He couldn't help but feel that familiar fear, he always felt this uncomfortable fear when he thought about his brother. He often did everything that he could to not think about him, but somehow the bastard always found a way to lurk back into his mind. Murdoc finished off the bottle, he lay it down on the counter then went back to the living room. The booze wasn't helping his migraine, neither were the phone messages he had listened to, and thinking about Stuart didn't help him at all. He felt like shit especially with all of these memories going around his head, maybe he should have asked for the Devil to reap him of his memories; he didn't want them anymore they were fucking killing him.


	3. Chapter 3

"Seriously mate we appreciate you showing up, like twenty fucking minutes to our gig." Adam said before taking another puff on his cigarette.

Murdoc and his two band mates stood outside of the small club they had just played in. Barely a single person had been in there to watch them play, according to Adam there had been more people but they had started to leave once they noticed that the lead singer wasn't planning on showing up until the last minute. Murdoc didn't believe it was his fault; he had recently taken up a job at the local cemetery, some of the time he filled in the graves and other times he made sure no punks broke in and wrecked the headstones. To say the least it was quite difficult to leave a job that required so much attention, he hated odd shit jobs but this one wasn't too terrible; so far.

"Go to hell" He muttered rolling his eyes in response to his mate's little fit.

The other man was a bit taller than Murdoc, his body shook slightly part from cocaine and other part from his little bitch fit he seemed to be in the middle of having. His skin was slightly tanned, brown beady eyes darting around the empty alleyway as if somebody would show up and shoot him; Murdoc didn't mind the idea all too much.

"Hey you're the bastard who started this band and you're supposedly the professional, you don't do shit though." He said pointing his cigarette at the older man.

"Adam's right, you don't do shit; you show up last minute with that stupid looking bass of yours and act like your Ozzy fucking Osbourne."

The comment came from the third part of their little group; Nicholson. He was a portly short man, only twenty-four and already seemed to be losing his thinning brown hair. Murdoc figured he and Adam were shagging each other on the side, one was always defending the other; it never ended.

"Of course you think he's fucking right, it's his dick your sucking every night."

Nicholson went quiet and looked down at the ground, Adam didn't seem to hear the insult; he continued shaking and puffing on his cigarette like it was an oxygen tank.

"Seriously though why the fuck did you start this band if you aren't gonna take it seriously?"

The green skinned man looked away instead choosing to look up towards the polluted night sky.

"I do take it seriously" He muttered.

Murdoc hated to admit others were right, especially if they were right about him being wrong. He didn't like they were right that he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should and claimed to be, hated that he wasn't trying as hard as he could to keep his crummy little part time jobs that brought in barely enough to keep the power on in his flat, and he hated that his father and brother were right about him being a coward through and through. He ran; that was what the almighty Murdoc Faust Niccals did when shit got difficult or annoying or scary, he ran like a fucking coward. If he put enough distance between himself and whatever demanded commitment or confrontation then he would be safe, he could drink and do drugs until he erased his problems all from his mind.

"Hey look at that bloke down there, fuckin' weird looking." Nicholson said trying to get away from the current conversation.

"He is a bit weird looking, looks queer if ya ask me."

"Will you two morons stop gawking at fucking strangers, that's how you get your ass kicked."

They ignored him, continuing to stare at whatever poor bloke caught their attention. He decided to join them in their pathetic sight seeing just to see if it was truly that interesting or something completely adolescent. He followed their gaze towards the end of the alleyway; there were a few men and women walking around, groups of friends who came out to drink the night away. When he was ready to turn and chastise his band mates for being so stupid he noticed what they were looking at; standing a bit away from the crowd was a rather tall lanky male with spiked dark blue hair, he was facing away from them but from the signs of his body language Murdoc could tell he knew that they were watching him.

"Think we should throw a rock at him?" Nicholson asked giving a bit of a smile at the prospect.

Murdoc punched the fat man hard in the arm making him flinch away.

"He's got an eye patch"

"No he doesn't" The bassist shot back

Adam raised his eyebrow in question as to why Murdoc seemed so defensive of the blue haired stranger. Stranger; right it honestly could be anybody, seemed like every kid these days was dying their hair blue and pink as well as every other color of the fucking rainbow. He just hoped it was somebody that he knew, hoped it was that one person.

"Hey ya fucking freak turn around!" Adam yelled his voice echoing off of the brick walls.

After a couple of beats the blue haired stranger turned around to face them. Murdoc's body tensed when the light illuminated their face; it felt like seeing a ghost, a ghost that had been haunting him for years now. Stuart's eye locked on Adam, he didn't seem to notice Murdoc or he didn't know who he was. His skin seemed a bit more pale than it had been years ago, he was very thin, his green shirt seemed too big for him, a black eye patch covered up his right eye. It made the bassist feel sick to his stomach, he wondered when that hat happened, and how it had happened; he mostly wondered if it was because of him leaving that it had happened.

"Told ya he got a fucking eye missing." Nicholson said smiling.

"Will you two shut the fuck up, leave him the Hell alone." Murdoc snapped at them.

Both went quiet, now their attention was on their lead singer wondering why all of the sudden he was snapping at them over some one eyed blue haired kid.

"What's up your ass all of the sudden?"

"Just leave him alone; you fucking pricks. I'm gonna go"

"What gonna go snog your blue haired queer boy?" Adam asked loud enough for the blue haired man to hear.

Two seconds later Murdoc's fist connected with Adam's jaw knocking him flat on his ass. He didn't even wait for his band mate to move or to ask him what he thought he was doing, he turned and left them quickly making his way up to the man he hadn't seen for years now.

As he approached he noticed Stuart move back towards the shadows seeming nervous that one of the guys who had been taunting him was now coming towards him.

"Stuart"

The younger man stopped at the sound of his name, he turned and looked towards Murdoc taking a moment to study him as if trying to recall who this stranger was.

"Holy shit, Mudsie? I-I haven't seen you for ages."

His blue eye widened slightly as he continued to stare at him, he seemed utterly shocked; Murdoc shared his feeling, he didn't know what to do. He could only stare, remember back when they were teenagers and relied on one another for safe haven. Remember back when he would find comfort being near the blue haired Punk, remembered the last time he saw him and how crap he felt about leaving him that way; leaving him with people who wanted nothing more than to hurt him. He wanted to have something else to say, some grand apology, but before he could say anything Stuart had his arms wrapped around his neck and was hugging him tightly.

"Fucking hell I missed you" He muttered

The green skinned man returned the embrace holding the other man close to him, he hated how thin he felt beneath his hands. He felt almost breakable, he felt the urge to protect him and keep him safe.

"Never thought I'd see you again after what happened at your uncle's house."

"Same here, really lost hope on that one after a few months." The younger man said pulling back a bit so he could look the older man in the face.

He gave a small smile as he looked at the black haired man, he then looked past him.

"Your mates don't seem too happy about this." He said laughing.

"Fuck them, can't stand those bastards; not even sure why I keep them around, sorry about them giving you shit."

Stuart turned his attention back to Murdoc.

"It's fine I've heard a lot worse for years now, the way life works."

He wondered just how bad things had been in these past years, just how much Hell he had been put through since then. He didn't want him to go through anymore Hell, he'd already seen his fair share of it.

"If I can help it nobody will give you anymore crap for anything, alright?"

"You always were a bit protective of me"

Murdoc released the taller man stepping away from him, he glanced back at his two mates who were in fact staring at them. It was like they had never seen two men hugging each other in the alley next to a shitty little night club before.

"Say we get outta this shit hole and go back to my flat, I'll admit it's a shit hole as well but at least there's less people."

He sounded confident, even looked confident, but his mind was going crazy right now. He sort of hated himself more than usual thinking that nothing bad would have ever had happened to Stuart if he could have stayed around or if he could have found him and at least tried to have rescued him from the family that didn't appreciate him the way that they should have. He wouldn't blame the blue haired man if he told him he didn't really want to be around him, but he had hugged him, had smiled at him, and seemed happy to see him after all of this time; it almost seemed like the years were just merely weeks.

"I'd love that, good to know you finally escaped your dad."

The two began walking towards the lot where the bassist car waited, he felt a bit happy when Stu's fingers brushed against the back of his hand.

"You got a Camaro?"

He smirked at the older man just barely repressing the fact he wanted to tease him for his choice in cars.

Murdoc shrugged and returned to looking at his beat up black car, even if he wasn't a rock star yet he still wanted to look like he was one.

"Gotta look like a big celebrity, first step in actually being one luv." He winked at the younger man before going and climbing inside of the car.

Stu got in next to him, as he drove he noticed how the younger man would glance at him from time to time as if he was amazed by the fact that they were together again after all this time. He shared in his feelings; fuck he really had missed him

"So you wanna be famous?"

"Who doesn't?"

The younger man laughed and shook his head, blue locks of hair fell over the patch covering his eye.

"I don't, kind of hate attention, wouldn't mind being invisible for a while. How badly do you want to be famous?"

"What like do degrading things with filthy old blokes?"

"Yeah that, I can picture that"

"Ponce"

"I hope you make it without shagging some old guy."

He wondered if he should tell him he didn't have to do anything like that, he'd only had to sell his soul and Satan promised him things would begin to go his way sooner or later; he hoped for sooner.

They pulled into the lot outside of Murdoc's place, he hated the place; Stu didn't seem to have anything negative to say about it, Murdoc knew he wouldn't say anything. The younger man quirked an eyebrow when he saw that the bassist didn't have his front door locked, he stepped inside turning on the living room light for the first time since he had moved into the little hell hole. Stu followed him in and closed the door behind him, he stepped into the room looking around it curiously.

"It isn't too bad, little dirty but neither of us are that clean."

"Want a drink, I'd offer food but I don't keep anything like that around; it really is just a bar."

"I wouldn't mind rum, I haven't had a drink for a few days; kind of driving me crazy."

Stu sat down on the couch, Murdoc went into the kitchen retrieving one of many bottles of rum from the counter top. He returned to the living room and sat beside of the blue haired man; he opened the bottle taking a drink then passing it to his friend.

"I'm amazed you haven't asked about the eye patch yet." Stu said before handing the bottle back to Murdoc.

He took a drink, "I'm amazed you haven't asked why I got one red eye." He passed the bottle back to Stuart.

"Don't ask don't tell policy I guess, by the way I still do have the eye."

"and I can still see through the red one, you probably wouldn't believe the story to go with it though."

He took a longer drink then handed it back to Stuart.

The other man sighed heavily, he looked in the direction of the message machine; the red light was blinking, he had five messages waiting to be heard.

"You got messages"

"Leave it, nobody I want to hear from."

"Your dad?"

"My brother mostly, but yeah him too."

Silence fell over them for a bit, they continued to pass the bottle back and forth between the two of them.

"I'm sorry about what happened you know, back at your uncle's place; I probably shouldn't have even been staying there with you in the first place."

"If you hadn't then your brother would have hurt you more."

Stu moved so that his legs were laying across Murdoc's lap.

"Well he did more and worse than more after you moved away, so it didn't make a bit of difference in the end. Sorry, I know you wanted to help."

"It's okay, where is your brother?"

"Jail, he gets phone privileges more than I think that he should, always calls and threatens to come hurt me. I know he won't, Satan knows when the fucker will finally be let out. What happened with you after I left?"

Stu gave a sad smile, he took a long drink then looked away from Murdoc.

"Little bit of this, that, and the incident with my eye; my folks weren't all too happy hearing their supposedly cured son fell off of the fucking church band wagon."

He laughed a bit, the sound was sad and bitter.

"I'm sorry, I went back to your uncle's; he told me he'd shipped you back to your parents, I should have went looking for you."

"Now you sound dumber than me."

"You aren't dumb" Murdoc corrected him, his voice sounded a bit more stern than he had meant.

"Can I spend the night here, I don't really want to go home tonight."

"Sure, Hell stay as long as you want to."

Murdoc placed his hand on the younger man's right leg lightly rubbing up and down. He looked good, he was always so beautiful no matter what.

"I still wanna know why you got a red eye."

"I still wanna know why you got an eye patch."

"I'll tell you some day, right now I just want to lay here and forget some shit."

They fell back into comfortable silence; he didn't care if they talked or not, they were both for the most part physically okay. There was plenty they needed to talk about, plenty both of them were keeping from one another, but they had plenty of time to talk about that. He only cared about waking up to find Stuart still on the couch with him in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

Murdoc was pleased to wake up to find Stuart laying on top of him, his head resting on the older man's chest. He ran his fingers through the younger man's soft blue hair, he hadn't wanted to open his eyes. He had had the dumbest idea that he would have woken up alone, would have woken up to realize he'd gotten too drunk and had dreamed this entire situation.

"Morning" Stu muttered, he looked up at the older man.

"Y'know I had the dumbest fear that I'd wake up to realize you weren't here at all, dumb as shit idea." He said smiling down at the other man.

"Not dumb at all mate, I woke up around one with the same idea. That's why I'm laying like this, I wanted to be closer to you; which didn't seem that girly until I say it out loud."

"It's only a little bit girly, but I don't mind it."

He felt a bit disappointed when the younger man moved from on top of him, Stu sat down on the other end of the couch. Murdoc grunted as he moved to sit up as well.

"Weird to think we haven't seen each other for so long, doesn't seem like that long right now."

"Yeah it really is, I feel like I should apologize for a lot of shit."

Stu looked at him curiously.

"Why?"

"Are you kidding, it's my fault so much shit happened."

"Nah don't do that to yourself mate, my uncle would of sent me back anyway. Nothing you could have done about it, I'm fine; never have been angry at you for it." He said offering a bit of a smile trying to make the older man feel better.

Murdoc wanted to feel better about it, forgive himself, but when he looked at the eye patch and thought back to the last time he had seen Stuart he felt like shit all over again. He could have done something, could have looked for him, and maybe they could have run away together; run away from all of their problems and the people who had hurt them.

"You wouldn't have lost an eye if I had done something." He muttered looking away.

Stu moved closer to him, "Hey look at me"

The black haired man turned his attention back to Stu, "This isn't your fault, got it, and besides I didn't lose my eye."

"Why the patch then, can you see out of it?"

"We'll talk about it later, maybe tonight."

Stu lightly brushed his fingers against the older man's right cheek.

"I was wondering, are you seeing anybody?" Murdoc asked switching the subject.

The younger man chuckled, "Yeah he's got shaggy black hair and greenish skin, kind of a moron sometimes."

Murdoc smirked, "Sounds like a real winner"

"Love you"

"I love you too"

Stu pressed his lips to the other man's in a gentle kiss, Murdoc had forgotten how great it felt to be kissed by him. He had forgotten how much he had missed hearing somebody tell him that they loved him, knowing that somebody gave a damn about him and his well being. In that moment for just one second he actually regretted the fact he'd spent five years hell bent on destroying himself. Right now he only wanted to be with Stu, fully with him for as long as was humanly possible.

"You got anything to do today?" Murdoc asked when the kiss ended.

"Work, sadly" He replied before giving the older man another chaste kiss.

"Where you working?"

"Where else?" He asked rolling his eye.

"Seriously you still working for that pig?"

The younger man gave a bit of a laugh, he kissed Murdoc again this time nipping at his bottom lip before pulling away.

"Yep, but he's little less of a shit since I'm older now. It still sucks working there, other than getting to test out keyboards."

"You could always call in sick, I never go into work."

"I'm shocked, where you working at?"

"Well sort of working at a graveyard, making sure nobody wrecks it at night."

He kissed Stu, the kiss lasted a bit longer than the ones before. The blue haired man placed his hand on the back of Murdoc's neck holding him in place, he deepened the kiss biting at the other man's lower lip. Murdoc placed his hands on Stu's hips, his fingers moved up under his shirt rubbing against his skin.

"I gotta get to work"

"I like you here"

Stu smiled and shook his head.

"Sorry luv I gotta go" Another quick kiss he got up from the couch and went to the front door.

"I'll see you tonight, right?"

"Yeah, you can pick me up when I get off from work; always hate taking the cab at night, I get off around eight."

"Cool, we can go to that pub we used to hang out at all the time."

Stu went back over to him giving him another kiss, "I'd like that, I'll see you tonight Mudsie"

With that he left, this time though Murdoc didn't have that empty lonely feeling he usually got when nobody was around. He sort of felt at peace like things were finally starting to look up for him.


	5. Chapter 5

Murdoc arrived at the shop an hour early, he tried sitting in the parking lot until the blue haired Punk's shift was over, but he grew bored and a bit impatient. He'd spent years not seeing the younger man, not knowing if he hated him, or if he moved on and hardly even remembered him. Now he finally had him back into his life, things had changed as much as they hadn't, and he really couldn't stand being away from him again as lame as that sounded even to himself. Murdoc didn't like being in love, it hurt like Hell and usually only led to some very dark places, but he was willing to risk it all over again just for Stu.

The music shop wasn't really that big; keyboards lined each of the walls, several set up on the display floor, and a few customers walking around looking at instruments they knew little to nothing about. Mostly older people looking to buy something for their brats or grandchildren, he looked around until he spotted the blue haired boy standing behind the counter his chin resting on the palm of his hand; he looked positively bored.

"Oi shop boy!"

The younger man's head snapped up at that, he looked around confused; his eye landed on Murdoc and a stupid grin spread across his face. it wasn't until then that Murdoc noticed the missing tooth at the top front of his mouth giving a bit of a gap to his dorky smile. He went up to the counter returning the other man's smile, it was strange feeling genuinely happy for once; he'd forgotten how nice of a feeling it was. He grabbed the front of the other man's shirt pulling him forward until their faces were barely an inch apart, Stu closed the distance pressing his lips to the black haired man's in a gentle kiss.

"I still got an hour you know?" Stu mumbled once they broke apart.

The bassist released him stepping back a bit from the counter, a couple of people were watching them with mild interest of course while pretending they had no interest in what the two men were doing or saying.

"Yeah, but I got bored as all Hell just sitting in the lot. Think you could ditch early?"

Stu glanced back over his shoulder as if to check if anybody was listening or not, he turned his attention back to the older man a second later.

"My uncle stepped out half hour ago, good a time as any to get outta here."

He expected Stu to tell somebody he was leaving or clock out, but he simply walked out from behind the counter, took hold of Murdoc's hand and allowed the green skinned man to lead him out to the car.

Murdoc asked the odd question between bits of silence as they made their way to the pub; mostly asking if Stu's uncle was still a bastard, the answer was a most definite yes. He asked about a few other things trying to stray away from the personal; he learned the blue haired man had actually tried his hand at having a Punk band, but it had failed miserably. Once they arrived at the pub they went inside and sat near the back where it was a bit darker and there was less noise. They ordered the same crap food they used to order back in high school and the same watered down beer that tasted much better when they had been teenagers. Any other time they would have complained about the over cooked hamburger meat, stale bread, and the fact the beer tasted far too much like water; they didn't complain though. Instead it almost seemed funny, nostalgic for the two of them just to be in this place together again after all of those years. While they ate and drank going from watery beer to decent enough whiskey the conversation stayed light but after a few shots they delved into deeper and slightly more depressing topics; the things they'd missed and both really wanted to have answers to, especially Murdoc.

"Still won't tell me about the eye?"

Stu smiled sadly and shook his head, he ran his index finger along the material of the eye patch as if reminding himself that it was in fact still firmly in place.

"When we get to your flat I might tell you, show you."

Murdoc quirked an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh really, didn't know you planned on coming home with me."

"Course I do, haven't been alone with you since y'know my uncle caught us."

"Horrible day, still sorry about that; what all happened anyway?"

Stu sighed heavily, he paused awhile before deciding to answer the question.

"He beat the crap outta me, he called my mum and dad; I could hardly walk so they had to come and get me. They yelled at me the whole way back home, I wasn't allowed out of the house for nearly a month; they burned all of my records, my clothes, and anything else they thought was brain washing me. Course I rebelled you know, I was pissed...I'd sneak out my bedroom window, go to local shows which aren't that many in the area you know. I messed up bad, cause my dad caught me sneaking back in one morning and...That's how I lost the tooth."

Murdoc felt for him, he wished he could have rescued him; he couldn't help but think back to the Hell he had gone home to that day all those years ago.

"I'm so sorry they did that to you."

"Nothing to be sorry about pet, everything is alright now...What happened with you, you don't gotta talk about it if you don't want to." Stu said a bit nervously.

Without saying anything Stu knew what happened, he had known what Murdoc had gone home to nearly every day, and he had hated seeing him go back to that place. He'd wanted to protect him and they both knew that, he'd done his best, but you can't save everyone.

"Dad beat me for leaving, Hannibal...He's in jail now you know, old bastard finally got fucking arrested." He said with a bit of a smile.

Stu nodded, he didn't press the original question too much; honestly he didn't want to hear it.

"How long is he gonna be in there for?"

"A long time, I'm okay until then, and that's in the past. Just like with your thing; it's all horrible people, places, and things in the past. Hell with them." He said before downing another shot of whiskey.

"You've changed a bit since we were younger." Stu mused as he stared at the black haired man.

"Is that a bad thing or a good thing, normally it's a bad thing when one says that to me."

"No, no it's a good thing; you seem different, but I like it...Sort of more you, but less you...Something new, someone new...Do you think we could go back to your place now?"

"Definitely"


	6. Chapter 6

They at least managed to make it inside the door, Stu closed the door by shoving Murdoc up against it; his hands pushing up underneath the older man's shirt his short nails raking against his skin causing the bassist to moan and groan into the frantic rough rhythm of their kissing. His fingers tangled themselves in Stu's soft hair tugging lightly, his hips ground against the taller man's, his tongue wrapped itself around his partner's. He could feel Stu's arousal rubbing against him, somehow they managed to separate long enough for Murdoc to lead his boyfriend back to his bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed pulling the blue eyed man down atop him; the younger man sat straddling his lap, his arms draped around his neck. Their kissing was less drunk and frantic, now it was at a more leisurely pace once they realized no force of man or nature planned on pulling them apart this time. The kiss broke leaving both men breathing heavily, they stared contently into each others eyes, Murdoc placed a hand on Stu's cheek rubbing his thumb just along the edge of the bottom of the eye patch concealing his damaged eye.

"You wanna know about it?"

"You don't have to tell me"

The younger man smiled a bit, he kissed him quickly.

"I want to, just in case it makes you wanna change your mind or something."

Murdoc was going to tell him that it wouldn't change his mind, but the other man began speaking before he could argue.

"My dad was really pissed about what happened while I was away from home. My uncle told him all kinds of stuff; that I was shagging some greasy haired Satanic Goth boy. Mum cried a lot and yelled, hit me with a wooden spoon for a bit. Dad drank, a lot; kind of how he handled bad situations...He came home and I don't remember everything, when it happened I guess I suffered more brain damage so I'm a bit dumb, dumber. I know we were yelling at each other, he was angry about having a faggot for a son, saying I should have been aborted, and I cursed him out. He shoved me, I shoved back, and next thing I know my face is hitting the corner of the kitchen counter and I got this horrible pain in my head and my eye is burning. After that just black and I woke up like a month later and...If I show you promise me you won't think I'm gross, well I mean if you do then just tell me don't lie to me or nothing."

"Stuart I love you, even if you are a little bit of a dullard. Your father is a bastard, I'm not gonna think you're gross. Just let me see you, all of you."

The younger man nodded, Murdoc went to remove the eye patch expecting Stu to jerk away but he didn't. He stayed completely still, his good eye downcast as the bassist slowly removed the patch tossing it to the side. Murdoc took hold of Stu's chin gently lifting his face upwards so he had to meet his eyes; the bedroom was dimly lit but he could see his damaged eye well enough. It was black and nothing else and honestly at first glance one would think there was no eye there at all, but he could see the light reflecting off of the midnight black pool and something about this, it, him was so fucking gorgeous and perfectly imperfect.

"You're perfect" He whispered never taking his eyes off of the other man.

Stu looked up at him, his eyes widening slightly.

"Told ya not to tell me any lies." He replied sounding a bit defensive.

"I don't lie to you, ya know that; I mean it. Satan, I missed you so damn much. I wanted to be with you again so fucking badly you know, just sit with you, hold you, touch you, and..."

Stu stayed silent, he lowered his eyes again, his fingers idly played with the necklace dangling from Murdoc's neck. He looked back up meeting his eyes, a small smirk played on his lips.

"What are you waiting for then?"

Murdoc laughed, he felt relieved; so much pain and now here they were.

He lay the blue haired man down on the bed climbing on top of him, they kissed again; it was so passionate and needy, less to do with alcohol and sexual frustration this time. It was more relief and longing, so many years they needed to make up for with desperate touches and rough bites. In no time he had Stu's shirt off, his too long tongue trailing down his body, and his slightly sharpened teeth nipping at his delicate pale skin. He loved every moan he elicited from the Punk; the way he bucked his hips upwards when he kissed lower, biting and sucking at the skin over his hip bones. The way he begged when Murdoc's hand rubbed against his growing arousal through the material of his now far too tight blue jeans. Stu sat up placing a hand on the back of Murdoc's neck, he pulled the bassist against him kissing him roughly, his teeth biting into his lower lip hard enough to break the chapped skin and draw blood. The roughness caught him by surprise in such an incredible way, he kissed back eagerly as their tongues met in another battle for dominance. Stu's hands were pushing and pulling at the older man's shirt, he groaned frustrated with the article of clothing and his sudden inability to remove it; Murdoc laughed. They broke apart long enough for him to remove his shirt, long enough for Stu to shove him down onto his back; he couldn't keep the amused laughter in as he watched the younger man fumble with his belt buckle and the button of his jeans. Stu glared at him, Murdoc caved and helped him finish unfastening his jeans and removing them along with his underwear. His laughter died down turning into moans and sighs when that beautiful mouth he loved so much wrapped around his dick. Stu hummed around him, satisfied with himself for bringing the older man pleasure; the bassist's fingers tangled themselves in his boyfriend's hair guiding him as he took more of him into his mouth. As much as he would have enjoyed finishing this way, with his boyfriend's mouth on him this wasn't what he had waited years to have.

Stu lay back on the bed his legs spread, his arms above his head, and his mismatched eyes watching the older man. He was so beautiful, so fucking perfect, and he was Murdoc's. They finally had each other again and the realization was nearing overwhelming; he searched through his bedside stand for the lube and the condoms, things that until now he realized he hadn't really had much use for. He took his time preparing his boyfriend, he didn't want to cause him much pain; he knew how badly this could hurt and he didn't want that for him. With each finger he'd look at his face for approval, he'd ask if he was okay, and if he could add another. When his fingers pushed against his boyfriend's prostate he was rewarded with a loud moan along with another roll of Stu's hips, Murdoc ran his tongue along the underside of the younger man's length earning a moan along with a plea for Murdoc to hurry up and just fuck him. He laughed at the command, the desperation in the younger man's voice, the way his face was flushed, his breathing shallow, and his eyes hazy. He rolled the condom onto his own length, coated himself with lube, and slowly pushed inside of the blue haired man. He kissed and licked along his neck and collar bones whispering to him as he pushed completely inside of him. From the way the younger man moaned and begged for more he knew he couldn't be causing him too much pain or discomfort; he grew more confident, pulled out then pushed back in picking up a slow pace that within seconds was faster and a bit more on the rough side. Nails dug into his back, teeth bit at his neck then at his lower lip; their kisses were desperate only broken to breathe and for both men to moan and mutter one another names, he loved the sound of his name falling from Stu's lips. He loved making him feel this much pleasure, the way those long lanky legs wrapped tightly around his back pulling him deeper until he was buried up to the hilt inside of his boyfriend. He buried his face against the crook of his neck as he thrust inside of him, moaning, groaning, and whispering everything he could think of through the haze of lust clouding his insane mind. He placed a hand between their sweat soaked bodies taking hold of Stu's erection and pumping him in time with his thrusts. It wasn't long until Stu was coming into his hand onto his own stomach, the clenching of his muscles around Murdoc's cock pulled him over the edge as well. He bit into the younger man's shoulder to muffle his moans.

He slowly pulled out of him, removing the condom and throwing it into the waste basket. He lay down on the bed panting, his own mismatched eyes locked on the water stained ceiling above; he felt breath against his chest and a body pressed against him. He glanced down to see Stu pressed against his side, one leg draped across his own leg, the younger man's right hand resting on his stomach.

"I've waited a long time for that." Stu whispered his voice slightly husky.

"Wasn't too much of a disappointment was it?"

Stu looked up at him smiling lazily

"It was brilliant, God I missed you Mudsy"

He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed being called that, how much he had missed that smile, his slightly high pitched voice, and now his beautifully mismatched eyes.

"I missed you too, you haven't got a clue how much."

He fell asleep peacefully, this time he had no fear or paranoia of waking alone. He would wake up with Stu still against him, he would always wake up with Stu laying against him. This was the way his life was supposed to be and nothing would take that away from him again.


	7. Chapter 7

A couple of early morning nightmares had woken the black haired man up. He had quietly slipped out of bed careful not to wake the still sleeping punk in his bed, he had pulled on his jeans, and grabbed El Diablo from the corner of the room. He had gone into the living room not bothering to turn on any lights, he sat down on the couch and began to play the bass. His eyes fell closed after about a minute of playing, the melody was low and somehow reflective; his nightmares had been abstract to a point. Then they had turned more concrete, turned to memories of his brother. Of the way Hannibal used to hurt him, worse than before; for some reason, somehow the abuse had gotten worse. Somehow that day he had gotten home after being kicked out of Stuart's uncle's house the abuse had grown worse and he couldn't have defended himself. His father had beaten him until his legs were numb, until breathing was painful, and his face had been bloodied. Hannibal had dragged him to his own room, locked the door, and done such terrible things. Things that caused him to scream despite the burning pain in his chest, stomach, and lungs; things that had caused him to cry and attempt to struggle away from the too rough grasp his brother had on him.

"Muds?"

His eyes snapped open, the living room light was on now; Stu stood before him, staring down at him worried. He cautiously reached out a hand lightly brushing his fingers against the older man's cheek brushing away tears that Murdoc hadn't noticed until now. He hadn't realized he'd been crying until now, he'd been in his own frightening little world that always dragged him back into the darkness each time he attempted to leave it behind.

"Did I wake you up, sorry I didn't mean to." He said offering the weakest bit of a smile.

"No, it's okay...Do you want to talk about it?" The blue haired man asked as he sat next to the other man.

Murdoc began playing again, but the song was an old seventies rock song; nothing of his own, nothing based on his emotions. He just needed to do something with his hands, needed to look anywhere except for the man sitting next to him.

"He's in prison cause I put him there." His words broke the heavy silence, he waited for Stu to ask who, but he must already know who this was about; who the crying was about.

So Murdoc continued on, "I just got too old for that shit to be happening. Bad enough I had dad still beating on me, but I had Hannibal ra-raping me and it was so...It was so often that it almost became normal, like I was getting used to him doing this to me."

He stopped speaking to take a shuddering breath, he laughed the sound was broken and slightly manic. He focused further on the bass setting on his lap.

"When I called the cops I didn't think they'd believe me; a bloke being raped by another bloke let alone his brother. The sons of a fucking drug dealer who occasionally killed local whores, I didn't really think they'd give a toss. Maybe I got lucky or I don't know, but I was so bloody relieved when they came to the house one day and took the sodding bastard way from me. He was angry, threatened me like ten types of Hell; during the trial he glared at me. Do you know what kind of tests you gotta take when you report something like that? Testing for diseases, psychological problems which apparently I got a shit load of if the pills I'm on are any indication. They take samples, ask questions that even made me feel uncomfortable and even at one point some fucker asked if it was consensual."

Another sad broken laugh, another heavy shaky sigh.

"I put him there and I hear from him more than I'd like. Dad gave him the number to my flat, not sure how he got the number. He'll call and threaten that when he gets out we'll "play" again or that he's just going to flat out murder me for telling on him. I got with some really shit guys after that, did some shit that'd turn your stomach, and...I'm so fucked up Stu and if you left right now I'd really not blame you. Ya don't fucking deserve all this, I should of told you last night."

Arms wrapped around his waist and he made sure to keep still, not to flinch away with disgust purely aimed towards himself in this moment. Stu nuzzled against the side of his neck, his breath warm and comforting.

"I'm glad he's locked away, I love you Murdoc; don't act like you've done something wrong. You're the victim, you're one of the strongest people I know, and I'm not gonna leave you. I wanted to protect you so damn badly when I found out what he was trying to do to you, I would have kept you with me forever to keep you safe. I won't leave again, I swear."

He felt himself relax just the slightest bit, he continued to play, but this time the music was something a bit calm if not a little stressed. He wished he could relax his body more, but the memories from years ago were playing fresh in his mind as if the years of therapy and self medication hadn't taken place at all. He closed his eyes again, focused on the comforting arms wrapped around him. He told himself over and over in his mind that what happened was so long ago that it was bad to think of it so freshly, Stu wouldn't leave him over this, and Hannibal was safely locked away.

He felt lonely when Stu pulled away from him, Murdoc leaned back against the couch, he opened his eyes and looked over at the blue haired man. Stu's mismatched eyes were still on him, but now they were glancing over the bass.

"How much did that cost?"

He gave a bit of a smirk, he was relieved to be onto another topic.

"My soul" He replied earning a laugh from his boyfriend.

If only that was a joke.


	8. Chapter 8

"You feeling any better?" Stu asked turning over onto his side so he could better look at the black haired man.

Murdoc ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair ruffling it, the younger man smiled and pulled his hand away. The two of them were lying on the living room floor surrounded by vinyl records, emptied beer bottles, and general piles of junk and trash that Murdoc had always been too lazy and filthy to actually clean up.

"Yeah I feel a bit less shit, the beer helps a lot." He replied laughing a bit.

The younger man nuzzled against the crook of his neck nipping and kissing.

"Good, we're both really fucked aren't we?"

Murdoc laughed and shook his head.

"Very fucked up, dysfunctional one might say."

"You might got more going on than me, I feel bad for whining about my life. You've been through much worse." Stu whispered, he placed a kiss against the other man's forehead.

"You lost an eye, I think that's bad."

"I didn't lose it, just er fractured it; just all bloody and stuff. You can see some of the blood, it's light enough in here."

Stu got up and sat on his knees, Murdoc sat up and leaned in placing his hands on either side of the younger man's head. He looked closely catching glimpses of a very deep red swirling around the mostly black void of Stuart's fractured eye ball. It was fascinating; it was like looking into really dark water realizing if you looked long enough or if the light reflected in just the right way you could see all of the waters beautiful colors.

He pressed his lips to Stu's, the gesture was gentle and loving; the other man's fingers tangled in his greasy hair keeping him there so he couldn't suddenly break away from the kiss. His tongue roamed inside of the other man's mouth, he enjoyed the faint taste of cigarettes and cheap beer; he enjoyed the taste that was purely Stuart.

"I love you so damn much, it's a bit insane really." Murdoc muttered once they broke apart.

"I don't think I'm worth that much love, didn't you have anybody else after me. Surely you found some bird or bloke who is a bit better, less slow and all that."

"No mate; I was with a couple of different guys a long time ago after you moved away. They were a hell of a lot like Hannibal, except I gave them consent which they took way too much damn advantage of."

He had hated those guys, those supposed men, but he had thought so lowly of himself that he thought he deserved being with them. Guys who constantly wanted to fight whether physical or verbal, guys who fucked him like a cheap whore instead of a lover.

"You don't deserve that, things will be a lot better from now on out though." Stu said smiling up at the older man.

The blue haired man lay back down on the floor, Murdoc settled on his lower stomach kneeling over him; he placed his hands on the floor on either side of Stu's head.

"Promise?"

"Of course I do, I'm not going anywhere; well except work, but I don't gotta do that today."

Murdoc groaned as he remembered he on the other hand did have work, which he had skipped two days in a row.

"I have to work tonight, forgot about that."

"Where was it again?"

"Cemetery, I make sure stupid kids don't wreck the place; maybe you could come with me, make things a bit less dull."

"Won't ya get in trouble?"

"Nah, the ol' bastard who hired me is never there. Nobody would know, you don't got to come with me if you don't want to."

"I would love to, I love those places; it'd be cool if there was zombies or something." He responded smiling.

He sounded so excited and animated when he talked about zombies, it was silly, but Murdoc liked seeing the younger man genuinely happy about something. Even if it was reanimated rotting corpses that ate brains. He leaned down kissing him on the lips then down the left side of his neck while Stu continued to chatter on about zombies.

"Aren't you afraid of them getting ya?"

"Nah, well I used to be, but I know you'd save me if I got attacked or something."

"I'd never let one close enough to get to ya."

His nightmares and bad memories by this point were mostly forgotten; he was too into the sound of his boyfriend's voice as he rambled on about Romero, interested in the feel of his skin beneath his lips and tongue, and the feeling of those long fingers combing through his shaggy mess of hair. He had plenty of time until he would need to get properly dressed and go to work, not that he minded too much now that he had somebody to talk to instead of the graves. He'd always felt dumb talking to head stones, then some part of him felt a bit disturbed at the idea of receiving a response.


	9. Chapter 9

Murdoc honestly didn't mind the cemetery, just most times he was working there he was bored out of his mind and mildly paranoid about ghosts and demons. Being a man who made a Faustian contract with a high class demon who could turn you inside out in a heart beat tended to make one very nervous, especially in a place meant for the deceased. He often would sit there looking around at the tomb stones that could only just be seen under the faint glow of the moon and the stars; he'd think about how he could be in there right now or anytime really. He'd considered suicide a considerable amount when Stuart had been shipped back home and once he had returned to his own house only to be attacked by his father then harmed by his brother. The thoughts always brought this heavy painful feeling in his chest and his stomach, his body would lock up just the slightest bit as if to warn him if he kept on thinking about such things it'd throw him into a full on panic attack. He had prescription pills for the panic attacks, but they made him angry and nauseous, he had pills for the apparent bipolar disorder he had, but they made him depressed and bloated, and well this list continued until his doctors had him on twenty different pills.

"You're doing it again"

Murdoc pulled himself from his thoughts, he turned his head to give most of his attention to the blue haired man sitting next to him, his back pressed against a quite nice looking black marble headstone.

"What?"

Stu rolled his eye at the question and how confused the older man sounded. He poked his index finger against Murdoc's forehead.

"Thinking too much, you do that, and then you get all weird."

"Do not, it's good to think you know; you should try it some time dullard."

The younger man laughed, lightly smacking the older man's arm.

"Ponce"

"You know me too well, you know." Murdoc commented, he turned away from his boyfriend going back to his before state of just staring out over the rows and rows of stone marking where the dead were resting.

He felt a hand over his, he laced their fingers together.

"You aren't really all that moody and hard to figure out y'know; I mean you always liked to act like some typical moody mysterious Goth kid, but you're simple."

"Well that makes me feel better." He replied sarcastically.

"You know what I mean"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Hell maybe I am all moody and mysterious like you say and you're the only person alive who could figure me out."

"I'm too dumb to even figure myself out, let alone somebody else. Guess you're different though."

Stu moved closer to him, he laid his head on the older man's shoulder.

"You aren't dumb"

"The doctors and my mum always said I am, all the brain damage or something"

"Which wouldn't have happened if your parents weren't bastards."

"We wouldn't have met twice though, so I guess it was sort of worth it, and now I don't have to wear that bloody eyepatch as much."

Murdoc had forgotten the blue haired man had left it at the house, saying he didn't feel like he really needed to hide his fractured eye as long as he had Murdoc with him. He really did like the eye, liked the way that light reflected off of it, the light hints of crimson swirling through the darkness. He made sure to casually tell his partner that he was beautiful, fucking brilliant honestly; he didn't over do it, but he wanted him to know it. They had both went through years of being beaten up and beaten on that it had worn them down, Murdoc had taken most of the damage as self centered as that thought seemed to him.

"I still want to know about your eye, is it a contact? I don't think it is cause I never see you take it out or put it in."

"We've only been back together for a few days, well a few days now considering it's two in the fucking morning."

"This is a boring job isn't it?"

"Eh not as bad tonight, having somebody here with me other than the corpses, and hey no zombie apocalypse."

The younger man chuckled, he nuzzled his face against the side of the other man's neck.

"Love you"

"I love you too mate"

"Maybe tomorrow night, er I guess tonight we could go to my flat."

"That'd be nice, probably looks a hell of a lot better than the Hell hole I live in."

"It looks like shit, but smells less like rotted meat so it is a step up from your place. You should bring that bass of yours with you, I liked hearing you play."

Murdoc smiled at the compliment; nobody ever complimented his musical talents even though he'd given his life for them.

"You gotta be the only one in the world who appreciates it."

"Forget them, they don't know real talent when they hear it. You got more talent than I do."

"Oh yeah nearly forgot you said you had a bit of a punk band, what did you do in it again?"

"Singer, nobody seemed too into it."

"You should sing for me when we get outta this joint and go to your place."

"Just promise not to laugh at me, alright?"

"Promise I won't, I'll even play some Jawbreaker or Rancid on my bass you could sing to if you want."

Stu pulled back a bit to look at the older man, a smirk on his face.

"You play punk, that's really generous of you."

Murdoc wrapped an arm around the taller man's waist pulling him closer until Stu was now sitting on his lap.

"Anything for you luv" He whispered before kissing him.


	10. Chapter 10

They sat in the living room of Stu's apartment, it was smaller than where Murdoc lived. It was also cleaner than where he lived, which wasn't entirely surprising; there were dumpsters cleaner than where the green skinned man lived. He was currently on the sofa sitting next to the blue haired man, playing some song by a band he didn't even like while Stu sang a song that Murdoc could just tolerate. He didn't mind this though, he enjoyed it actually. He hated punk music, but he didn't mind playing it on his treasured instrument while Stu sang along. That was the best part of it, the man's voice was so fucking gorgeous. He couldn't stop watching him; he was so imperfectly perfect. His eyes closed and everything about him focused in the song he was singing. It took a second to realize it when Stu stopped singing, his mismatched eyes now open and looking at the older man; a sheepish smile on his face. Murdoc knew he should compliment him or just say something, he could tell his boyfriend was insecure about his voice among many other things. He couldn't bring himself to speak, anything he could say would sound stupid anyways. So instead he kissed him, one hand on the back of his head his fingers going through soft blue locks. He broke away smiling at the faint blush on pale cheeks.

"Guessing I don't suck then"

"No you sound excellent"

The younger man laughed and shook his head, he lay back on the couch resting his legs across Murdoc's lap.

"My mates thought I sounded like shit."

"My mates think the same about me and my playing, they don't know shit. Don't pay any attention to them luv, you'd be a great singer if you had the right back up."

He rubbed his hand up and down the other man's left leg.

"Wouldn't mind playing with you, where did you get that bass from anyway?"

Murdoc looked at the instrument that was now resting on the floor next to his feet, he sighed then turned his attention back on Stu.

"Wanna hear the truth even though it's crazy as shit?"

The younger man grinned nodding his head.

"Everything about you is generally crazy mate."

Murdoc laughed, "Yeah, but this is exceptionally crazy."

"I still wanna know"

The older man leaned his head back against the sofa, closing his eyes.

"Right so you know how into Satanism I am; I started looking at rituals and even playing around with them. I could show you some amazing tricks one of these days if you'd like. I got to a part about Faustian contracts and...I thought about it, about how shitty my life had been, and how I was just bloody lonely and angry. So I didn't have much to lose; I made a deal with the Devil. I told him I'd give him my soul if he could give me a bass and promise me fame. So far I feel ripped off. That's also why my eye is red, it's a sign of the contract...So on a scale from one to 'leave my apartment' how crazy do you think I am?"

He felt a weight settle on his lap, fingers brushed over his cheeks then down along the sides of his neck. Lips pressed against his, even when they left he could still feel the warm breath against his skin.

"Why would you do something like that to yourself?"

He shrugged in response, he hadn't expected Stu to believe him. Hell maybe he didn't believe him, he was just humoring him and his craziness.

"Not much to lose and this is something I need."

"I kinda think you're absolutely insane"

He laughed at that.

"Well according to the therapists and the medications I'm taking I am very much insane."

Lips brushed against his, but they moved away before he could kiss back.

"I also believe you, but I don't want to...What happens when the contract ends?"

"That won't be for a long time"

Stu took hold of his right hand holding it tightly.

"What happens?"

"I'll die"

The younger man released a shaky breath, this time Murdoc did open his eyes. Stu looked at him, he looked scared at the revelation. Back then it had seemed very simple and not like a big deal at all, at this rate he was pretty sure the contract would never end. Right now he feared it would end eventually, it would cut out time he could spend with Stu, right now he actually had something to lose. Now the entire thing seemed completely idiotic.

The younger man ran his index finger along the skin under Murdoc's red colored eye. He wanted to tell him something to comfort him, assure him that it was all possibly a bad acid trip and that his soul wasn't at risk of eternal damnation. The words wouldn't even reach the tip of his tongue, by that point Stu was kissing him again anyway, but this time it was fierce and desperate. His fingers dug against his scalp, his body pressed firmly against his own. He kissed him back with everything that he could manage, his tongue finding its way inside of the younger man's mouth. He lifted the other man off of the couch then lay him down climbing on top of him. His hands moved up under Stu's shirt, he ran the tip of his tongue along his jawline, down his neck where he bit down hard enough to draw blood. His nails dragged down his sides leaving welts in their wake, every needy moan and buck of the blue haired man's hips drove him on. He ground his hips down against him drawing more moans from him, he removed his shirt dropping it to the floor, his mouth kissing, licking, and sucking at every patch of skin that he felt the overwhelming urge to mark. He wanted to make him feel good, to drive him out of his mind so maybe he wouldn't even remember what he'd just learned. He hoped to drive it out of his own mind as well.

"Mudsy please...Fuck just...Lower"

He pulled at the older man's hair then pushed at his head, frustrated groans falling from his mouth as he bucked his hips. Murdoc placed his mouth over the bulge in the crotch of his jeans, his tongue rubbing against the rough denim fabric. The bassist gave a low groan when his lover pulled slightly harder at his hair. He pulled back enough to unbutton and unzip his jeans, he pushed them down to his knees. He slowly moved his hands up along the other man's legs, his inner thighs spreading his legs as far as he could manage at the moment. He locked eyes with the younger man, he gave him a playful smirk as he lowered his head towards his groin. He teasingly ran the tip of his tongue from the head to the base of his lover's cock. His eyes never left Stu's; the younger man's lips were slightly parted, his tongue flicking out over his own lower lips as his mismatched eyes watched the older man's teasingly light and slow movements. Murdoc took the head into his mouth sucking lightly, his tongue slowly circling his head then dragging across his slit. A hiss, another buck of the hips, and another muttered plea for him to just take him.

"Afraid there isn't all that much room on the sofa luv."

Stu made yet another annoyed sound; he sat up pushing the older man away from him. Murdoc sat back against the couch, he watched with mild amusement wanting to see what the other man planned on doing.

The blue haired man removed his jeans, he lowered himself on his knees between the bassist's legs. He made quick work of unfastening his pants and pulling his cock free of its confines. He kept one hand wrapped around the base while wrapping his bruised lips around the head sucking slowly before pulling away completely and getting to his feet. Stu turned and left the room going down the hallway.

"Oi where you going?"

"I'll be right back"

Murdoc laid his head back against the sofa, closing his eyes. He smiled when he felt weight on his lap, lips latching onto the side of his neck sucking and licking.

"Look at me"

He obeyed, opening his eyes and watching the man now on his lap. He watched as he opened the small bottle of lube coating his fingers with the substance. He watched as he slowly pushed his own fingers inside of himself. He paid attention to the way he closed his eyes, tilted his head back and gave soft whimpers and moans as he thrust against his own fingers, stretching himself. He kept a firm grip on Stu's hips steadying him as he stretched himself. The blue haired man slipped his fingers out from inside of himself, he poured more of the lubricant onto the palm of his hand; this time wrapping his fingers around his boyfriend's cock giving slow firm strokes. He lifted himself up then slowly lowered himself onto the other man's erection. Murdoc kissed and bit at his neck, sucked at the skin above his collar bones, and at his chest. He moaned at the feeling of the younger man's tight body wrapped around his cock. The feeling of him impaling himself, rocking his hips in order to get the most out of this for the both of them. He gave shallow thrusts of his own, Stu moaned the older man's name as he tossed his head back eyes shut tightly. He continued bucking his hips at the angle he currently was in, the head of his dick brushing against the sensitive spot inside of the younger man.

"Fuck, Muds...Murdoc, fuck"

Murdoc placed a hand on the back of his neck pulling him forward, their lips met in a rough sloppy kiss. Tongues and teeth clashing, his hand found its way between their sweaty bodies wrapping around the younger man's hard cock. He began stroking him, his thrusting becoming harder and faster meeting his boyfriend's own frantic pace.

He moved both hands to Stu's hips holding him down firmly so he couldn't move as much, he thrust inside of him, second later he was coming inside of him. The blue haired man's face was buried in the crook of his neck, his breathing ragged as he came down from his own orgasm. Murdoc's fingers found their way to his hair, gently combing through it; he placed a kiss to the top of his head.

"Don't...Don't leave me for a long, long time."

"I won't"

"I don't wanna believe you about this whole thing."

"Then don't"

He shook his head.

"You don't really lie to me, just don't die for a long time. I just got you back."

"I'll be here for a long time, probably too long to be honest."

"Good, cause I need you."

He loosely wrapped his arms around the younger man.

"I need you too pet"


	11. Chapter 11

"None of this sounds like the thing that you did, this shit just sounds like fairytales or something." Stu said as he flipped through the pages of one of the many books on Satanism and Satanic rituals and rites that the black haired man owned.

After his confession his boyfriend had wanted to know more about how these things worked. He had agreed that after Stu got off of work he'd pick him up, they'd get some take out, and go back to his place where he would show him every book he owned on the topic of demons and contracts with them. Stu had flipped through all of them, looking over them carefully, then going back and re-reading some parts like he hoped he hadn't missed anything vitally important. Murdoc had hoped the younger man wouldn't trust him as fully as he did, he had hoped he wouldn't believe a word he'd ever spoken about Satanism and making deals with demons for needs and wishes. Hell he'd always hoped those things weren't real, even the day he'd made the pact with a demon he'd clung onto the hope that he was just playing around with something completely stupid and mostly harmless.

"Yeah I know, most people tend to make it...I guess you can say an Earth bound religion, you know how that is. Give it a fancy, bit of a scary and ironic title, but in reality it just means worshiping nature."

"That's not what you do though, is it?" He placed the book back down on the floor with the others.

"Not exactly...You meet the right people in the wrong places, borrow the right material, and before you know it you do all sorts of stupid shit that you shouldn't be sticking your nose in."

"I don't get why you would do this in the first place, it's just stupid."

"I was desperate, people get real bad with judgment when they're desperate."

"What would even make you that desperate to throw your life away for this stuff?"

He gave a bit of a shrug and looked away from the younger man's mildly accusing stare.

"You were gone, my dad was beating on me, my brother was doing what he was doing, and then after I called the cops on him I thought it'd get better; it only got a million times worse than before. I got fucking scared and depressed, everything just got shittier than it already had been and I couldn't handle it. Hell I'd hoped a bit that it'd work and the thing would just fucking kill me, part of me didn't think anything would happen though and I was okay with that..It worked though, but it's not all bad."

"How isn't it all bad?"

"Nothing can happen to me until I get what I asked for and as far as I can see I haven't gotten shit on that half...So everything is fine, I'm here, and will be for a long time."

"I can't believe you even trust that it won't just kill you anyway, it's a demon Murdoc they don't exactly keep their fucking word."

"Maybe you're right, but all sorts of stuff could happen to me."

Stu took hold of his hand.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you, alright? I sort of just want to shrug this off as some stupid joke. Stop stressing about it and worrying that you did something really stupid and one day you'll be dead or some shit like that."

"Hey don't worry so much mate, I'm fine...Okay that's sort of a lie, but you get what I mean."

"I'm not sure if you're insane or stupid."

Murdoc smirked, "A bit of both I suppose, come on not all of this stuff is bad."

"Yeah like the stuff in the books where nothing bad actually happens."

"Look luv, it's like alchemy; that's all magic really is. You got to give something of equal value to what you're asking for, that's all it is."

"Why'd you want something dumb like to be famous though? Sounds like something one of those pop stars you like would do."

"My dad used to put me in these stupid little talent shows at the local pub, just to get free beer and maybe a bit of spare change. I hated the things; if I didn't do them he'd kick my ass, if I lost then he'd break my teeth with that stupid cane of his. I just used to think that I like attention, but I don't like it when somebody is forcing me. I wanna be in control of things; not have some asshole threatening to beat the crud out of me as the reason I'm performing."

"Don't you got a band though?"

"I've had dozens of bands, you know how it is around here. These blokes and birds are fucking morons; they either tell you that you can't do shit music wise or they're talentless and lazy. None of my bands ever work, hell this one isn't working worth shit either...I figured this would help me, I got the fucking demonic bass from the depths of Hell, the ability to play it, and a promise that things will fall into place for me."

He glanced at the bass sitting in the corner of the room, it was strange, but it always seemed like the thing was watching him.

"Right so leave it up to fixed fate."

Murdoc looked at him in time to catch the younger man rolling an eye at him.

"Mock me all you want dullard, but it'll work out, and you'll be right with me."

"Who said I will?" The younger man said smiling playfully.

Murdoc wrapped an arm around his waist pulling him down against him, he kissed him biting at his lower lip.

"I love you"

"I love you too...I know what I said before, but maybe I'd be a bit less freaked out by all of this stuff if maybe you showed me more about it."

"Really, you actually want to learn about magic and stuff?"

Stu laughed, he buried his face against the older man's chest.

"Okay don't use the word magic, makes it sound really silly; let's stick to rituals or alchemy or whatever you were calling it before.

He kissed the top of his head, "Sure thing luv"


	12. Chapter 12

"So is there really such a thing as good magic or bad magic?"

"No, that's just some bull shit they made up back in the 60's to keep people from thinking alchemy and shit like that is 'evil'." Murdoc answered as he continued to sift through the trunk sitting on the floor of his bedroom.

He found a raggedy voodoo doll, pins sticking out of its limp arms and its stomach, the black button eyes were beginning to come loose from being moved about and over used. It was supposed to resemble his brother, but he'd made it while drunk and attempted to use it generally in the same inebriated state; as far as he knew the damned thing never worked. He tossed it to the floor, Stu picked it up and began looking over it curiously.

"It's supposed to be my brother"

"Oh, did it work?"

"Guess not, mostly just for stress relief when I'd get really drunk." He gave a weak little laugh.

Before he'd made the doll he'd drink and cry which turned to throwing knives at walls. Throwing knives at walls turned to breaking glass bottles, then that turned to nearly hurting himself on purpose, and that's when he decided a voodoo doll might be a less destructive way of handling things. Of course the drinking was still rather destructive, but he wasn't a major fan of being sober.

"So you just mess with this sort of stuff and somehow that lead to making a deal with some demon."

"Sort of, I got an off and on interest in this stuff...I still think you're lying and you actually think I'm completely mad."

Stu looked at the books, dolls, vials, and other objects scattered on the floor then back up at the green skinned man.

"It's sort of odd you know? It worries me like I keep saying, then again I've worried about you ever since we were teenagers."

"Even after you moved?" He asked curiously.

The younger man smiled shyly.

"More so after I moved away, I just don't want you getting hurt anymore."

"I told ya already, I'm fine."

"I know better than that, you got a ton of pills, enough alcohol to last a lifetime, and then you mess with this sort of stuff. It's like you wanna kill yourself, but without y'know actually..." He stopped himself, shrugged and looked away.

Murdoc scooted closer to him, he placed a hand on the back of his neck. His fingers brushing through short strands of blue hair.

"Yeah maybe you're right, I'm real fucked up, and I always have been...Just-"

The phone ringing cut him off from what he was going to say, he considered ignoring it until he realized he'd skipped work again, and two band practice sessions.

"I'll be back"

He gave Stu a quick kiss then got up and left the room, he got to the phone by the third ring.

"What is it this time?"

Laughter sounded from the other end.

"Well that's a rude way to say hello, but then again you've always been a little prick." Hannibal said, a tone of amusement in his voice.

Murdoc went from annoyed to nervous the moment the older man spoke. He wrapped his arm around himself, he noticed the hand holding the phone was trembling slightly and he couldn't find a damned thing to say or do.

"Can't speak, figure as much."

"Wh-what do you want?"

His voice came out strained, a bit higher than it should be. They were on the phone, his brother was locked away in a building surrounded by barbed wire coated fences. He couldn't do a damned thing from there for a long time, but logic didn't mean shit. Just hearing his voice brought back memories strong enough he could smell the booze and feel those gross hands holding him so tightly he felt like they might crush his rib cage.

"I just want to talk, you know there is a guy here who looks a bit like you...Not as good a little toy as you were though of course, nothing replaces family...Right?"

He hated him, he hated him.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Aw what a shame, if only I really gave a fuck what you want. Remember when you were little, used to follow me around and wanna be like me. I'd kick you across the room, beat the snot out of you, and even put a gun to your stupid little head one day; ya still followed me around though. Makes me wonder if you actually enjoyed the way we played when you got older."

"Can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

"No, you put me here little brother; I really want to thank you for it and repay the favor once I get out of here."

Murdoc laughed, it didn't sound right; he couldn't sound maniacal like his brother. He only sounded absolutely terrified.

"You're gonna be there for a long time and by then I'll be gone."

"Hm I don't think so little one, I've behaved very well in here...Honestly it could be a matter of months, maybe only weeks."

"You're full of shit" He spat angrily, Hannibal laughed.

"Possibly, but I think it'd kill the surprise if I told you just how longer I'll be here. I can't wait to see the look on your face when I show up at that shitty little flat of yours."

"Just shut up"

"I'm going to hurt you, you'll pray to God that I'll just fucking kill you."

"Shut up!"

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, he tripped over a bottle and fell on his ass. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he felt dizzy, and sick. He looked up to see Stu standing there looking down at him then at the phone, he grabbed it out of the older man's shaking hand and placed it back on the cradle. He knelt down next to him reaching out a tentative hand hoping the other man wouldn't flinch or hit him. He remembered these fits, he really hadn't missed them; he ran his fingers back through his shaggy black hair.

"It's okay, just breathe, can you do that?"

Murdoc nodded, his mismatched eyes still wide; frightened.

"Good. He's not here, you don't have to talk about what just happened. I just need you to calm down, alright?"

Another short nod, Stu allowed his fingers to run along his cheek and then trace his jawline. Thankfully Murdoc still wasn't flinching or lashing out at him, if anything he seemed to relax just the tiniest bit.

"It's okay, we can sit here for awhile. Is it okay if I hold you?"

He didn't answer, instead he moved himself closer to Stu; he wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his head against his chest. The blue haired man held him protectively, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head.

"Just breathe, it's okay"

He wondered how long this had been going on, he felt guilty that for years nobody had been around to comfort him or keep him calm. It explained the alchemy, the contracts, the drinking, drugs, and forms of self destruction. He really hadn't given a shit if he got hurt or worse, because nobody and nothing was there to comfort him or to keep him safe. He wasn't alone now though and Stu would make sure that he wouldn't be alone for a really long time if he could do anything about it. He also knew that if he ever came face to face with Hannibal he would beat him half to death for all of the things he had done to Murdoc. His own family had been abusive, but what he'd done to him was just on a whole new level of demented. He thought about the first time they met and how bruised the black haired teen had been all those years ago. He'd looked like he crawled out of Hell and hadn't wanted to talk about it too much. Now here he was a grown man crying softly against Stu's chest, not wanting to really talk about it at all if possible. That was okay though, he didn't need to say anything, because Stu could guess what had happened on the phone and what had taken place before Hannibal had been arrested. He didn't need to hear it, but he was willing to listen when Murdoc felt like it. Sometimes he would say things, admit things, but not too often. It was enough, as long as he didn't hurt himself and let some of it out. He already knew anything he said wouldn't change how Stu looked at him, he loved him no matter what and was determined to keep him safe.

"How dumb does it look me acting like this?" Murdoc asked pulling his face away from the younger man's chest.

"It doesn't look dumb, I can't really blame you for being scared."

"I shouldn't be scared just talking on the phone with some asshole."

"He hurt you, you're allowed to be scared."

"I don't do scared, yeah when I was a kid and I was stupid and weak...I was stupid and pathetic back then, I don't do this anymore."

Murdoc refused to let himself have panic attacks over phone calls with his brother. If the bastard showed up then he'd beat his ass, he wouldn't just let him take advantage of him like back when they were kids. He was older and he'd worked hard and long to become something else that wasn't weak and constantly in need of assurance and protection.

"Stop bullying yourself"

The older man pulled out of his embrace and stumbled to his feet, he went to the kitchen grabbing up one of the countless bottles of whiskey and began drinking from it.

"Do you really think that will help?"

He sat the bottle back down.

"Fuck if I know, but crying and freaking out doesn't do much either. Does it?"

Stu went into the kitchen, he picked up the bottle, took it to the sink, and proceeded to pour it out. Murdoc grabbed at it trying to take it out of the taller man's hand.

"Don't fucking waste that"

"You don't need to be completely wasted all of the time."

"Not all of the time"

Stu sat dropped the empty bottle to the floor then went for another one.

"Knock it off, you know how much this shit cost?"

"Yeah, money you could use to buy yourself some food. Fuck I swear you never eat, you're literally living off of booze and drugs."

"So what? It's not your fucking problem, maybe this is how I like to live."

"Right so completely wasted, maybe drive into a tree, or over dose on your fucking bipolar medicine or maybe your depression medication."

"You're fucking one to talk, you got a shit load of pain killers."

"This isn't about me, why can't you just admit that you're scared of him?"

"Because I'm not!"

He felt angry, because he was scared, and he refused to admit to it.

"I'm not judging you, I was there when this shit happened to you."

Stu kept his voice calm, it only aggravated the older man further.

"No you weren't fucking there when this happened! You weren't there when he fucking raped me. I was alone."

He was shaking again, he didn't even fully understand why this time. The room fell into silence, the younger man averted his eyes. This time he didn't stop him when Murdoc picked up another bottle of liquor and stormed out of the room. He went to the bathroom closing the door behind him, he sat down on the edge of the tub and started to drink. It'd be easy to admit he was scared, but he didn't want to do that anymore. He wanted to be something, someone different, and that stupid demon promised him that. It promised him that he'd be famous. Why couldn't it just take this stupid shit from him and give him a large fucking mansion far away from everybody and everything? He wanted things now, not later.

He emptied the rest of the bottle, he dropped it to the floor and stumbled over to the medicine cabinet grabbing out one of his orange prescription bottles. He took a moment to look over the label plastered onto it, from what his bleary eyes told him it possibly was one of his medicines for panic disorder. He popped the cap off and emptied three of the pills into the palm of his mouth then popped them into his mouth. He let himself drop down into the floor barely even feeling the sharp pain go up his back from hitting the ground. He pulled himself backwards until his back hit the wall, this was stupid. He was smart enough to know that this was stupid and yet here he sat; stoned and drunk on the bathroom floor. Stu had only wanted to help him, he always wanted to help him. Sort of like Murdoc was a lost little puppy he'd found on his way to school one day. For some reason the blue haired man cared for him, thought he was attractive, interesting, smart, and above all somehow worth loving. He didn't understand it and he sure as hell didn't deserve it.

"Muds?"

He didn't respond, he merely grunted and avoided looking towards the door.

He didn't want to talk about this or anything for that matter.

Stu slowly opened the door, he entered the room closing the door behind him. He looked around noticing the pill bottle and the empty whiskey bottle on the floor then back at the wasted musician sitting on the floor.

"Please tell me you didn't take a lot of these."

"No, don't worry about it."

"You've got the most annoying temper, ya know that?" He asked as he sat down next to the older man.

"I've noticed, wanna run yet?"

"No, I love you too much to do that. Sorry I dumped out most of your booze."

"Sorry I yelled at you, I feel like a complete dumb ass."

"I can't really argue you on that."

"Thanks for agreeing that I'm a dumb ass, but yeah it's true...Fuck I feel like hell."

Stu wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Murdoc leaned against his side his head resting on the younger man' shoulder.

"Wanna go lie down?"

"Maybe later, kind of just want to stay here right now."

"You aren't weak by the way."

"How do you know?"

"You've been through a lot of shit and you're still here."

Murdoc laughed, "Yeah, but I'm sort of just on self destruct here."

"You haven't blown yet though and that's good. You can't let him and your dad ruin your life for you."

"I think it's mostly just the memories."

"Wish I could make those go away." Stu whispered

"Me too mate, can you stay here maybe for the night or whatever?"

"Sure, I kind of wanted to stay here anyway."

Murdoc closed his eyes and nuzzled against the crook of the other man's neck. He reached out blindly until he felt Stu's hand, he took a hold of it lacing their fingers together.


End file.
